and i honestly can’t imagine not calling it home.  it’s just so-and i know we’ve only been here such a short time and now i can hardly believe that it’s over.  or on… hold.  or whatever.  it’s too big.  and i’ve never not wanted to leave a place like i don’t want to leave london.  weirdly have some kind of quieting hope.  or surety.  or confidence because i know that it’s not-it’s a road bump or something.  it’s infuriating and buearocratic and filled with.  people.  self important.  and emotionally stunted some crazy fantastic grey and soggy wet and those huge fucking busses that go way to fucking fast.  kill people with their.  but it.  is.  beautiful.  lonely.  empty tube station platform at three minutes to one.  raindrops on painted black statues.  and the river.  and the cold the fucking cold.  parks museums trees walks.  and all those people i love.  well some of those people i love.  t p, c f, k c, r k, s c, k j……  and i love that wobbly bridge and those towers that i mean it’s too much to catalogue inventory tell the list of all the ways that i am in love.


like picadilly circus on a friday night.  that little bitty chapel in the middle of the cemetary in ealing.  with the moss growing quiet stones.  the canal boats and the lovers eating greasy thai in an alley in camden.  warehouses in seven sisters music in the underground floating like disembodied voices through the icy stony stairs around corners dusty fingertips.
so there’s all this visa business and all this questiony-uncertain whatingodsnameamigonnadonow and that’s all okay because something will become clear but i know i gotta leave now.  gotta go for a time.  but you’re my home.  it’s my home and she’s my home.  little garden with the leaves that just keep growing up and up and up.  and the onions theatre bloom livingroom no tv license battersea and how we hid out with k j when the riots swept through the streets like angry frightened horses running touching the ground with fire and wind.  i will come back.  some how.  and not in ten years or something.  this is the time.  now.  this place.  my london.  the city that so many have fallen in love with now it’s me my home where i feel like things work.  london.  streets.  wind.  clouds.  london.  london.